Always PHREA: Year in Review

If I could describe 2013 in one word, I would say it was purposeful! I realized going into the year that this would be monumental, but it was just the beginning. I had four main goals this year: 1) expand my blog, 2) build my network, 3) switch careers and 4) find a church. I can truly say I was able to experience each of those goals this year! 

Always PHREA is my breath of fresh air! 

I love where my blog is and where it is going. On May 29, I went on a quest to begin interviewing young leaders or individuals who are making a difference in the lives of others. The PHREAdom Leaders took off with my soror Jessica Ross, who is a multiple sclerosis survivor. I wasn’t sure what to expect from my readers, but I knew that because of my work and belief in giving back I needed to feature individuals who shared a common value. Needless to say, I finished this year with 10 PHREAdom Leaders! I truly have to thank those leaders who gave me the opportunity to share their story. They were: Ross, Shantelle Igiozee, Ashley Nash, Alton J. Murray, John Harris III, Curtis Walls, Brittany Yates, Ashley Gonzalez, Daniel D. and Austin Smith.

Last year, I blogged 8 times. However, this year I blogged 22 times!! I wanted to expand my blog to offer more, and I was able to do just that! I’m really excited to see where Always PHREA and I go next year! I’m continuing to discover the endless possibilities and Bee PHREA!

Network makes the Dream Work

I can honestly say that I’ve always been a relatively shy woman. I didn’t socialize much with people outside of my normal circle. However, I considered it a challenge to build my network. I was very apprehensive, but I knew it was necessary. I started attending different events on my own. I joined two groups (the #GOALDiggers Project and Bloggers Like Me) on Facebook, which has definitely helped me to grow as a writer, blogger and businesswoman. Next year, I want to network more and meet new people.

One Door Closes

In September, I received word that my company was closing the Charlotte office. I could say that I was upset, but I really wasn’t. I was trying to find a way to leave there, but I am such a loyal worker that I didn’t know how to do so. Isn’t it funny how God works? He knew the only way I would leave to find something better for me is by forcing me out. I spent 60 days job searching and went on six different job interviews. I was determined to not be jobless when I left there, and I wasn’t. I received my job offer the day before my last day at my old job. I am so thankful because I found a career. I love every bit of this new opportunity. It’s truly a perfect combination of Crystal – the server, the writer and the educator.

Spiritual Feeding

There’s something about a spiritual feeding that just does your body good! I’ve been in Charlotte for the almost four years now, and I can finally say that I’ve found a church that fits me perfectly.

I was searching for purpose this year, and I believe I’ve found it in different ways. I can’t wait for 2014 to arrive so that I can make more moves because the best is yet to come. #BeePHREA

<3 Starkey

PHREAdom Leader: Austin Smith, Founder of Nitsua Creations

In six days, Austin Smith will wrap up his undergraduate career and walk across the stage to receive his bachelor's degree in Digital Information Design with a concentration in Digital Commerce. This moment almost didn't happen. Smith said he was focused on the wrong things his freshman year at Winthrop University and his grades suffered.
“It was a wake up call,” Smith said.
He contemplated enlisting in the military instead of returning back to complete his college degree. However, after consulting with his parents, he thought it was worth another shot to try another year with a different attitude and perspective.
Smith changed his major from graphic design to fit the new market of digital information and changed his entire mindset. This was his second chance so he treated his sophomore year as if it was his freshman year all over again, he said. The Lexington, S.C. native used his past situations and circumstances to push forward towards his goals and future.
The Leader & Mentor
As a young leader, he became actively involved in different student organizations including The Gentlemen’s League which is a male service oriented group where he served as a re-charter member, NAACP, Student Alumni Council and student improv Skin Deep.
“In order to be a leader, you also have to be a follower,” the past vice president of The Gentlemen’s League said.
Smith was influenced by Winthrop University alumni Kambrell Garvin and Ted Jones.
“Kambrell Garvin was a big influence in my life,” he said. “He taught me that people are always watching.”
Ted Jones, graduated last year, but he encouraged Smith to get involved.
This made it easy for Smith to mentor young members of The Gentlemen's League and York County youth at Ebenezer Academy. The 22-year-old said he thought outside the box when he mentored young individuals.
“I asked them to set five goals,” Smith said in both life and education because “college ends quick and reality hits you.”
Nitsua, the mindset of a king
Smith always had an interest in graphic design since high school. He wasn't quite sure how he would be able to continue utilizing those skills after changing his major. The program focus on a combination of media, social media and internet marketing, he explained. He finished a capstone course with The Hive in Rock Hill where he and his other classmates created Web sites for local organizations and developed experience using search engine optimization and Google ad words. 
However, he realized there were other ways to use his gift from God. He started serving as the co-chair then later the chair of the public relations committee for The Gentlemen's League where he designed the organization's new logo, t-shirts and promotional materials. His graphic experience led to more opportunities for him to expand his skills into a freelance graphic designer. This year, he created Nitsua Creations which specialize in developing the creative needs of clients through logos, t-shirt designs, flyers and other promotional items within the Winthrop University community and surrounding areas.
Nitsua is Austin spelled backwards because he wanted to put a twist on his Twitter, Instagram and ultimately his brand, he said.
"You find something different by making it and creating it (to be) your own," the designer continued.
The logo is a crown because he believes that he has the mindset of a king, but not in an "If I rule the world" Curtis Blow type of way. It's about creating a standard.
"You have to set yourself to a standard," Smith said. 

The founder of the company is uncertain its future because he doesn't want to speak too far ahead. However, Smith believes that God gave him the gift of graphic design, therefore, he plans to keep pushing until it stops.
"I'm going to keep my foot on the pedal," he said. 
Smith would like to explore different branches of Nitsua Creations to include music and photography which are all centered around a philanthropy.
Passion found through failures
The failures or unfortunate circumstances fuels Smith to keep moving. He believes in the cliche` expression that everything happens for a reason. Smith use those situations as fuel to succeed in life. 
As a high school basketball player, Smith learned that "it takes those failures to succeed," he shared. He was cut from the team his junior year of high school and broke his foot that same year, however, he made the team his senior year. 
Overall, Smith believes he is a truly passionate person. 
"It's not always through your words, but your actions as well," he said.
Hope to fulfill purpose
In life, the future alumnus hopes to reach his full potential and be successful at it. He also hope to fulfill his purpose and provide service to others.
He realized that everything he's received, it is through the support of others, Smith said.
Most importantly, he hopes to take care of his family - the one he will build in the future as well as his parents and brother who is currently a sophomore in high school.

"Respect yourself"
Smith's parents, who have been married for 27 years, taught him and his little brother to say yes sir and yes ma'am as a form of respect, but he doesn't see it in the younger generation. He believes that sense of respect is lost. 
Respect as a whole is huge, he said. "You always hear respect others, but you must also respect yourself."
They both tie together, he continued. 
In order to gain respect, one must create and set standards, Smith said.
Empowered through service
Smith is empowered by the ability to serve and mentor other individuals. 
"I am empowered by knowing I can help people," he said. "And knowing the impact is felt."
Ambitious for happiness
"I just want to be happy," Smith said. His happiness lies through developing his career, creating a family and impacting lives.  
After graduation, he would like to find a job that he loves going to everyday. He would like to focus on the social media, internet marketing, and e-commerce side. He doesn't want to be complacent when it comes to his career path because he understand there are seasons. Smith said that you have to keep pushing forward through those moments. He currently wants to continue residing in the Rock Hill/Charlotte area, and plans to give it his all. 
The family-oriented young man is ambitious about building his family with a complimentary person. 
"It's important to remember who I'm doing it for - my family," he said.
In everything Smith does, he wants it to be full of impact. This is evident through his brand Nitsua Creations, his civic work and his humility as a man. 

Find Austin Smith

Web Site: http://nitsuacreations.bigcartel.com/

Facebook: Austin G. Smith

Instagram: NitsuaCreations

Twitter: NitsuaCreations

Tis the Season to Give

Source

November and December are my favorite months of the year besides March. While others may enjoy these months for the variety of food, family gatherings, gift wrapping and holiday shopping, I enjoy the opportunity to give. You often hear it’s better to give than it is to receive, and I believe this is true. There’s something about the power of giving that just makes me feel like I made a difference in the lives of others afterwards.

I believe sometimes we become so wrapped in the cosmetics of the holidays that we forget about the small values and lessons learned through giving. The act of giving can be completed so effortlessly, but it can touch a magnitude of people. For instance, last year, I volunteered as a gift wrapper for Orphans to Ambassadors during the holiday season. This Saturday afternoon, I will be volunteering to provide a hot meal to the local area individuals who are in need. I know regardless if I volunteer for an hour or two, someone’s life will be impacted by the gift of service.  

If you are looking for ways to serve or give during this season, here are a few ideas:

Adopt-A-Family

You are able to provide them with food, purchase presents, or make a monetary contribution to assist them in their needs.

Donate your Winter Wear

Do you have a jacket that you or someone you know can no longer wear? Or did you find gloves on sale for $.50 during Black Friday this year? Can you crochet? This would be a great time to donate jackets, gloves, and scarves to those who cannot afford to on their own.

Visit a Senior

According to the Senior Source, the majority of senior citizens in nursing homes never get visitors. If you are unable to visit a senior, send him or her a holiday card.

Toy Drive

The Marine Toys for Toys and similar foundations collect gifts for children from financial hardship families. You can simply purchase a new toy especially during Black Friday for less than $5 and donate towards the cause. If you want to be really charismatic, you can orchestrate a toy drive at your local church or school to collect donations for children in need. They are also always looking for volunteers to assist in the sorting and filing process.

Adopt-A-Pet

Animals need love too! There are ways for pet lovers to give to these fun creatures. You can volunteer at an animal shelter working in the kennel, donate animal food, or even adopt a pet.

The gift of giving goes a long way. If you are interested in learning more about it, check out http://www.volunteermatch.org for more opportunities. 

PHREAdom Leader: Daniel D., the Man Behind the Violin

Daniel Davis started playing the violin when he was 12-years-old. He did not like the strings instrument initially, but he took it as a class in middle school. The notable violinist didn’t fall for the four-stringed wooden musical instrument until he saw “an older gentleman play it in an exciting and interesting way,” he said.

“From that moment on I was hooked,” Davis, who goes by Daniel D., said.

Growing up in Charleston, S.C., Daniel D. repertoire of musical performances varies from Pop, Hip-Hop, R&B, Jazz and Gospel. He was featured on BET’s 106 & Park. He’s opened for the 2008 President Barack Obama Presidential Campaign, former Editor-in-Chief of Essence Magazine Susan Taylor’s celebration, and many others.

The musician has a few awards under his belt as well which began while in high school when Daniel D. received an award for a summer scholarship at the New York’s Julliard School of Music. He is also a two times Apollo Theater winner and a Charlotte Music Award recipient.

The now-24-year-old Daniel D. whose greatest influencers include Jean Luc Ponty, Noel Pointer, Regina Carter, Boney James, and others, released his first album called Play for Me in 2009. Within the next four years, he’s release another three albums – Serenade, Epic Sounds and Son Rise. His latest album was released this year.

Although currently promoting his current releases, the violinist is considering working on a new project in 2014, he said.

Daniel D. travels frequently for different events and shows throughout the United States including Baltimore, M.D. and Charlotte, N.C. In fact, this Friday, Daniel D. will be performing at the Holiday Jazz R&B Gospel Concert at the Charlotte Scottish Rite Temple in Charlotte, N.C. The event begins at 7 p.m. The tickets are $15 for general admission and $25 for VIP admission which includes an autographed copy of one of Daniel D.'s albums.

 “As a live performer, I like to give the audience an array of genres and emotions – R&B, Jazz, Inspirational even Pop,” he said. “I don’t want to give too much away, you have to come out to get the full experience.”

Daniel D. finds his passion from the emotion that his music draws out of himself and other individuals.

“I love moving audiences through my gift/
talent,” he said.

The music Daniel D. performances display some form of emotion which is easily felt by listening to the violinist uses his bow to compose a melody. This is exactly what he hopes individuals will receive from his craft.

“It can be a happy one from an upbeat record, or even a sad memory from a memorably song,” he said.

Daniel D. is empowered by his faith and Lord as well as the progression of those including him to success.

“[I am empowered] by seeing myself or others achieve and climb higher and higher on the ladder to success,” he said.

The contemporary violinist said his ambitions are to reach and touch as many lives as possible through his character and music.

“I think a lot of artists lead with the music,” Daniel D. said. “I believe it takes being personal with people, you leave a lasting mark on someone’s life that way.”

If you are interested in attending Daniel D.’s concert Friday, click here to purchase your ticket. To learn more about Daniel D., visit his Web site at http://www.danieldmusic.com.

Follow Daniel D.

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/DanielDMusic

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/DanielDsViolin

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/ddproductions2007

Starkey's Guide to an Awesome Homecoming Weekend Experience

2011 Winthrop Homecoming

As I see my fellow Winthrop University alum post pictures from past homecomings and college experience for #TBT, I decided to share with you all my guide to an awesome homecoming weekend experience. For the most part, I will reference Winthrop University, but most universities and colleges have similar events to take part in during their homecoming as well.

 Alumni Social Media Frenzy

Utilize such trending days like #tbt to share memories of your friends and moments while in college. It will not only bring back (hopefully) great memories, but make the anticipation of homecoming weekend so much better. Hashtags are awesome! Why don't you and your friends create a hash tag specifically for ya'll homecoming experience? It creates more memories and you can view at anytime simply by typing the hashtag. The majority of us are using social media every day even if it's just viewing a timeline for updates. So why not create a hash tag of your homecoming experience? Check out Winthrop Homecoming hashtag this weekend is #wuhomecoming13.

Network

One of the main purposes of homecoming is to network and fellowship with alums. If you were involved in a student organization or group, this would be a great time to connect with those individuals especially if you are searching for job, new opportunity, or just simply to reminiscence about college life. For instance, there is a Winthrop Alumni Charity Golf Tournament taking place Saturday. They will have a meet and greet beginning at 9 a.m. hosted by Assets Inventory in support of Alzheimer's Association. This is the perfect opportunity to network and golf before the parties and tailgating begins for a good cause. Bring your business cards and get to networking!

Tailgate

I can truly say that I didn't appreciate tailgating until I graduated from college, but personally it's the best part of the homecoming weekend experience. This is no different for Historically Black Colleges and Universities or Predominately White Institutions. There are vendors, food, alumni, current students, and visitors. We play corn hole. We share a few laughs. We take tons of pictures and hashtag. We can gather around to hear the cypher featuring Winthrop's illest lyricists.

Attend a Game or Two

What's homecoming without going to the game? The homecoming queen and king are crowned during half-time. You are able to support your alma mater in a hopeful win against their opposing teams. 

Take a tour of the campus and purchase some alumni paraphernalia

Homecoming is the best time to take a tour of the campus. Take a look at the new updates and building plans in the upcoming years. This is also a great opportunity to buy some gear. The book store may have discounts during homecoming weekend for items. 

Shake a leg or two

After all of the tailgating, networking, and attending games, it's a great time to buy a nice homecoming outfit and party with your fellow alum. There are so many different parties going on during homecoming weekend beginning Friday night. You are guaranteed to have a great time especially if you party with a group of your friends from college.

Here's Winthrop University's run down of parties that I am aware of:

Friday Night

Last Train to Paris - Soiree Noir - WU All Black Affair 

Back to the Future: Winthrop University Black Alumni "Ol’ Skool" Homecoming Party which is also the official after party for the Melanie Fiona, Silk, and J-Holiday Concert

Winthrop University's Free Homecoming Party 

Saturday Night

Stamina: Winthrop University Black Alumni Finale Party

I've shared my insight to an awesome homecoming weekend. Now I want to hear from you. 

What are some must have moments for homecoming this year?

Black Girls Rock: Starkey's Top 7 Moments

Source: www.blackgirlsrockinc.com

Last night, black girls and women gathered around the television screen to watch the Black Girls Rock! which is an awards program that honors female trailblazers who have made an exceptional contribution to the lives of those in their community and beyond. This year's event featured the following honorees: Marian Wright Edelman, Queen Latifah, Mara Brock Akil, Misty Copeland, Ameena Matthews, Venus Williams, and Patti Labelle. I don't know about you all, but I was empowered and ready to shout to the mountain top "Hey, I'm a Black Girl and I Rock!" by the end of the show. You couldn't help but be moved after hearing such great speeches and performances.

Therefore, I decided to share with you all my top 7 moments from the Black Girls Rock, and hopefully it will move you just the same.

7) The "Girlfriends" reunion. I was definitely singing the theme song while they appeared on stage to honor Mara Brock Akil.

6) Kelly Rowland and her two special guests. Rowland brought in Sevyn Streeter and Eve! I hope Eve is ready for a comeback. That was dope! I'm sure I wasn't the only person who was looking for Michelle Williams and Beyonce' to appear on stage. I just knew they were the special guests. Great teaser BET! Great teaser!

5) During Ameena Matthews’s speech, she shared a reflection where she told her daughter that they would be Black Girls Rock one year. Her daughter nodded her head with tears streaming from her eyes. Matthews said that she's the Sojourner Truth and Harriet Tubman of today while fighting for freedom in the streets of Chicago.

4) Misty Copeland, the 3rd black soloist in the American Ballet Theatre, was honored. She said, "Black girls do rock....Black girls can be ballerinas." I also loved her opening to Patti LaBelle's selection "You are my Friend."

3) Mrs. Marian Wright Edelman is history, period. She started the Children's Defense Fund and a civil rights activist. She was a member of the freedom riders. She sought for equality. I cherished it when she said, "Don't let anyone else define you."

2) Mara Brock Akil accepting her award. She said, "Even if no one else sees you, I see you." "We are worth protecting. We are worth loving. We must continue to rock," Akil continued.

1) Beverly Bond's speech where she said, "We must lift as we climb." Everything we as black woman do is a part of a platform which can make a difference in the lives of the young black girls. Bond told us to rebuild our village and create a healthy sisterhood.

What moments made you want to get up and do something after watching Black Girls Rock? If you missed it, check here to find out the details. 

#31DaystoPHREAdom: The Aftermath

My soror Hydeia Broadbent and I

On October 1, I set a personal challenge to blog daily for the entire month. I can officially call this the month of trials and patience. I knew going into this challenge that there were potential factors that could prevent the completion of the mission. However, I told myself that I was going to do it. I wasn't going to allow those stipulations to get in my way. If anything I had to prove it to myself that I could write a post for 31 days straight. I saw other bloggers do it without creating a challenge so I thought this would be simple. I was so wrong. 

 

Before the challenge began, I started drafting ideas and setting them in my blog planner calendar. I knew who would be featured for this month's PHREAdom Leaders and any general blog posts. I wrote three of the seven days. I just started the challenged, and was already behind by the first week. I needed to do better. After all this challenge was about me, Crystal. 

Lambda Kappa chapter of Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority Inc.
from Winthrop University and I at the Avon Walk in Charlotte

As a result, I definitely didn’t blog daily, but I did accomplish so much more. I managed to compose eight blog posts including a very special PHREAdom Leaders feature with my friend and survivor Ashley Gonzalez. I stepped outside the box to create new content for my blog posts like the Pinterest Wedding and the short posts about teamwork and friendships. For the second time in a row, I volunteered at the Avon Walk in Charlotte where I met and interacted with some great women and families who were either supporters, survivors, or currently receiving treatment for breast cancer. The highlight of the month was having lunch with my soror, Hydeia Broadbent. She was in Columbia, S.C. for the South Carolina HIV/AIDS Conference. It was great chatting and bonding with her especially since I interviewed her for The Aurora, Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority's Inc.'s bi-yearly magazine.

I learned three valuable lessons. The first one was life will throw you curve balls, but the way you hit it will determine the result. I set out with a purpose and challenge for myself, but those curve balls went full speed. I hit some strikes, fouls, but I'm still in the game. The second lesson was to look at every situation and find the good in it. I could take being laid off in 16 days as a negative situation, however, I'm not. I see the opportunities are slowing aligning. The very last lesson is quite simple -- be realistic. I wasn't realistic about my challenge. I'm joining a new challenge that starts today with Britni Danielle called the Black Friday Challenge where I spend the next 30 days accomplishing a goal. My goal is to realistically blog more (at least once a week) and stick to it.

Follow Me on Bloglovin

As a way to make my blogging presence known, I've ventured into Bloglovin!

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Special PHREAdom Leader: Ashley Gonzalez

2003

Every 9 seconds in the U.S., a woman is assaulted or beaten as a result of domestic violence. Is it worth your time to end it?

Ashley Gonzalez says she won't let another woman suffer on her watch.

The single mother of two juggles working and attending Charleston Southern University full-time, to ensure a wonderful future for her children. Rewind almost a decade ago and you won’t recognize the former South Carolina Teen Pageant contestant as the headstrong woman she is today.

 Gonzalez is a former victim of domestic violence.

While the majority of Summerville High School’s class of 2003 graduates were preparing for college, military, or the workforce, Gonzalez was anticipating joining her fiancé in Texas. Following her 18^th birthday, the teenage lovers secretly got married that September. Gonzalez became a young military wife in a small area with no friends or family.

The teenage bliss slowly changed into a marital nightmare. The once best friends became enemies. Their playful date nights and love transcended into the violent attacks.

 “It (the abuse) was a slow start,” Gonzalez said. “It started with the name calling then shoving and from shoving to choking then the hitting.”

Gonzalez believed that her now ex- husband, did in fact love her at one time. The survivor says that they were too young and had no idea of how to be married that abuse became his way of handling their issues.

“His friend was hitting his wife,” Gonzalez said. “He (her ex-husband) thought it was okay.”

The former military wife did not have a strong support system in Texas. Her family and friends were phone calls and letters away, but she says no one was physically there.

He not only physically abused her, but things also became psychological, Gonzalez explains. He claimed to be the only person that loved her.

The former pageant contestant lost herself while in Texas. Gonzalez says she didn’t look at herself in the mirror, and stopped taking care of herself. She describes how she no longer wore makeup and only styled her hair in ponytails. She wanted to prove her love to him.

“I grew up not knowing what love was,” Gonzalez said. “I didn’t love myself. I wanted to prove my love to him.”

Months of abuse continued long before Gonzalez left Texas.

“My mom flew twice to get me,” the football mom said.

The first time was when her mother found out about the nuptials. The second time her grandmother came along, but only made it to Dallas before she changed her mind to go back to her ex-husband.

Shortly after her mother’s last attempt to bring her back to Summerville, the couple had their most gruesome fight.

“That’s the day I decided to fight back,” she said. The former beauty contestant describes how physically altered her face became after an exchange of blows broke a bone under her eye.

The Breakthrough

Ashley and I at her baby shower

In June, the former military wife discovered she was pregnant. The couple had already decided to move back to Charleston. The soon-to-be mother was planning on leaving before he left the military base. He didn’t want her to, leading to a scuffle.

“By the end of the argument, he pulled my hair and smacked my face,” she said.

On July 1, 2004, Gonzalez left Texas and moved back to South Carolina, underweight and with visible facial deformities. She was away from him, but did not officially.

“My grandmother picked me up from the airport, and she asked me why I looked different,” Gonzalez said.

She had no idea. Her eye was pushed back by 3 centimeters. The 19-year-old was two months pregnant, weighing less than 100 pounds.

Everything changed on February 7, 2005 when a precious little boy was born. Her ex-husband came to the hospital after Gonzalez delivered their son, and took him out of the maternal grandmother’s arms.

“You’ll see him more than I will,” Gonzalez recalled her ex-husband’s saying.

He was right.

A few weeks later, he went to his mother-in-law’s home where Gonzalez was residing. He snatched the newborn out of her arms and called her a bitch. That’s when the tables turned.

Gonzalez had enough.

“I told him that from that day forward I wanted nothing to do with him,” the survivor said.

The “Houdini father,” Gonzalez’s nickname for her ex-husband, last saw his son when he was two years old. For the last six years, there’s been no sight of him.

The couple divorced a few years ago. Some people were supportive, but others weren’t, she explained.

“I was looking to be loved, but in the end, I just need to love myself,” Gonzalez said. “I’m still working on accepting how I look. I don’t see the girl from my senior picture.”

The Survivor

Ashley, the survivor

Gonzalez doesn’t think of herself as a domestic violence survivor.

 “I’m just a survivor period,” the 28-year-old said.

She grew up in a single family home and faced a variety of adversities growing up. The adversities steered the direction to the woman that she is today.

“I am more determined than ever,” Gonzalez said. “I am worthy. I am loved. I can do anything. Nobody’s holding me back.”

Passionate about her Children

“My children are my everything,” she said. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for them.”

Gonzalez tells her son the cautionary tale of her past and how to properly treat all women.

“I tell him often that nobody controls you, but you,” the single mother said.

Hope to Reach One and Break the Cycle

As a domestic violence survivor, Gonzalez’s goal is for her story to reach and touch somebody. She wants to break the cycle.

“I want my daughter to know her worth, and my son knows how to treat women,” the full-time student said.

Empowered through her Children

Gonzalez’s children empowered her to keep moving and pushing forward. Her son in particular is what she says rescued her from the abusive relationship. It was because of his life, she realized that she needed to leave the marriage.

Ambition to Educate

This mother instills the importance of education to her children. During a conversation with her son, she realized that she cannot ask her children to get an education while not holding herself to the same standard. This summer, Gonzalez made the courageous decision to finish school and obtain her degree in organizational management. She plans to enroll in counseling courses as well.

“I want to help other young women before something else happens,” Gonzalez said. 

Thank You for Being a Friend

“I don’t know what I’d ever do without you

From the beginning to the end

You’ve always been here right beside me

So I’ll call you my best friend

Through the good times and the bad ones

Whether I lose or if I win

I know one thing that never changes and

That’s you as my best friend...” -- Brandy’s “Best Friend”

In life, everyone has different circles of people who provide different insight and wisdom. They all fall within different relationship categories (like friends, associates, mentors, advisors, etc). Although some categories do intertwine, they all share a common goal—to exchange true support and guidance that will not only help you, but help them as well. This makes us all better individuals for all of humankind. A friend will give you the hard truth or the soft woo-woo-woo version of it. A friend will value each other’s thoughts and opinions regardless if they agree with it or not. The homies may not solely agree, but it wouldn’t destroy a true friendship.

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Now, I’ve read that even the most successful individuals drop a friend or two on a yearly basis. If that’s the case then I’m way behind schedule. However, I do understand their purpose in doing so. Most people, especially the influential ones, mirror the direction of one’s self. For instance, Paul C. Brunson recently wrote, “You can’t spend time with someone,real impactful time, without their being an influence.” This concept really made me think about the people I spend the majority of time with or those on my weekly call log. We all may not share the same interests, but each of us brings something to the plate that is a benefit to the other.

I really try not to reflect too much on my personal life on this blog, but I was truly inspired to write about friendships from my past week. It was a long one. Tears were shed. Prayers united. In the long run, my friends came to the rescue by offering encouraging words, conversations, prayers, wardrobe consultations, warm embraces or even jump starts. My friends shared something with me this past week that made me appreciate them and our friendship even more.

What do you bring to the table as a friend? Do you offer support, prayers, laughter? When did you realize the value in your friendships?

The Return of the Black Love Movies

I can remember as a teenager, when I was introduced to Monica Wright and Quincy McCall on the movie screen. Wright was so focused on shooting jump shots and the goal of becoming the first woman to enter the NBA. She bickered with her mother. The star wore the #32 like Magic Johnson. However, there was something she loved more than basketball—Quincy McCall. The duo represented young love at its finest, but more importantly they showed young black teenagers about black love. Granted, the movie was definitely a coming of age romance, it was still great to witness it. What girl didn’t think about playing basketball with her boo for his heart? During the late 90’s to 2000’s era, black love movies were epic. They told a story and young adults were able to relate easily. I’ve noticed a fall of the black love movies within the last 10 years. When I think of black love movies, I think of Love & Basketball, Brown Sugar, The Wood, and The Best Man. However, there were some good black love movies recently, but the films were few and far in between.

Next month, the creators of The Best Man will reunite the cast for The Best Man Holiday. The synopsis, according to The Best Man Holiday’sofficial site, focus on the reunion after 15 years of college friends during the holidays who “will discover just how easy it is for long-forgotten rivalries and romances to be ignited.” I want the film to bring back the black love story or at least expand on the concept. I’m far from a relationship expert, but most individuals mimic what they see. Therefore, maybe, just maybe, it will encourage more healthy relationships. Last week, I blogged about a great love story by the way if you haven’t already checked it out, please do so.

After nearly two decades, will the black love movies return again for the new generation who are more consumed by reality television, ratchetness, and twerking? One can certainly hope so, but I digress. Black love, well love in general is a beautiful thing.

Will you be watching The Best Man Holiday? What was your favorite movie during the late 1990’s and early 2000’s?

Adventures in Couponing

 

You stood in line behind them. You watched them score hundreds of groceries or household items only to spend less than $1 on television shows. That’s right, I’m talking about couponers.

Recently, I made the decision to become more budget cautious which meant that I needed to find ways to save money. I realized that food makes up the majority of my monthly variable expenses. I’ve spent well more than $300 monthly on groceries or eating out. Yes, I know that’s quite drastic. Therefore, I knew it was time for a change. My co-worker was talking about couponing last week. I went with her to learn the concept. I purchased two Tide detergents and one Downy softener for less than $15 with my $5 off of three clipping. I think that was pretty good for a first time. Thanks Shannon!

I tried to coupon a few years ago, but I failed at the mission. The concept itself can be quite difficult and takes a lot of work to figure it out. Couponing is a numbers game. I don’t mind numbers, but we don’t always get along. The process was easy at first—cut the interesting coupons, sort by categories, and store in the notebook then look at the sales papers to determine which stores to use the coupon at that will give me the best bang for my buck. However, as the weeks rolled by, couponing became more time consuming.

My big cousins are couponing pros. They are not quite the extreme couponers, but they know how to get good deals using them. So I joined the mission again. This time I’m taking more initiative to actually learn the strategies and methods to save during my bi-weekly shopping trips. I found some great sites that provide information about couponing. My favorite is Southern Savers so far. They provide a synopsis of the clippings coming out in the upcoming Sunday’s newspaper. Thus I pulled out my coupon accordion book, purchased two newspapers and went to clipping and sorting. Happy couponing!

Have you taken any steps to save? Do you coupon? Tell me about your experience.

<3 Starkey

Pinterest Makes a Dream Come True

Pinterest truly does help make dreams and wishes a reality. Just by simply creating a themed board makes it easy for individuals to find what they need to make moments in life magical and inspirational. Highlighting those magical moments worked for Ryan Leak and his then-girlfriend Amanda Roman on June 7, 2013.

This past September, Leak posted a YouTube video called “The Surprise Wedding” where he took pieces from his girlfriend’s “My Dream Wedding” board to plan their auspicious occasion. Leak’s mission was three major things that rainy Saturday in Miami, Fla.: 1) to share his love for Roman, 2) to propose to her and 3) to marry Roman. Leak explained that he heard his girlfriend share that she would like to get engaged and married all in the same day.

Starkey's Pinterest Board

Once Leak was convinced he wanted to marry Roman, he went to the social media site for ideas and clues. Roman had no idea of anything. Despite Leak’s strategic and detailed plans of how the day was going to go, the weather interfered and rerouted the schedule of events that Saturday.

“We had all types of things planned, but plans change,” Leak said. “We are adaptable.”

Surrounded by nearly 100 close friends and family, it all came together in the end. “We know why we work. It’s not because we share the same moral values,” Leak said. “What makes us tick, what makes us go is Jesus Christ.”

They wanted their guests to also share in the presence of God.

After five years of dating, Leak confessed his love for Roman, asked her to marry him, and made her his wife in one day. Yes, it was all in one day just like Roman dreamed it’d be. We congratulate them on their union!

That’s some fairy tale story. Now who says fairy tales never happen? Ladies, you better get your Pinterest board building because you never know if your beau is secretly planning your wedding. 

Keeping It Simple: Teamwork

Don't forget about the individuals who help you get to where you want to be in life. Sometimes individuals can be so stuck on their own lives and achieves that they fail to remember how they got there. They forget about the people who stood on the sidelines throwing them different plays to help them reach their goal. Most dreams are not possible without the help of others.

<3 Starkey

Falling in Love is Easy, Staying in Love is a Challenge

Photo Credit: http://www.inc.com/michael-gerber/fall-in-love-with-your-business-again.html

Do you remember the first time you met your first love? Do you remember how it made you feel? You get those butterflies in your stomach when your eyes meet. Those moments were endless.

I remember when I first met mine. I was in the fourth grade at Givhans Elementary School. My teacher, Mrs. Burgess said, “Crystal, you’re a great writer. Would you like to join the newsletter staff?”

I agreed. I was a staff writer of my first publication. It was only four pages, but I loved it. I was a reporter. I wrote about events and interviewed teachers. I was in love with writing, and I felt like it shared the same type of love in return.

I always knew it was going to be a part of my life in some way shape or form. However, as I got older, I had to realize that although my love for writing was great and we shared many wonderful memories together, I needed to focus on some other ventures. After spending years after college working different jobs, I found myself back where I started like a teenage girl seeing her crush for the first time. My writing and I developed into a deeper relationship. Not only was I writing articles, but I was writing press releases and blogging. I was PHREA. My writing understood me even when nobody else did. Just when I think I had it all figured out, the biggest curve ball got thrown and hit me hard. It has changed my entire focus.

Photo Credit: www.goodreads.com

Now I feel like I’m back in the same position where I was after graduation, changing focus because of the roles and responsibilities of a grown up. I can feel myself losing my relationship again, but I don’t want to. However, the times I should be spending writing, researching, or planning, I am job searching or updating my resume.

So as a way to continue to write and stay in love with my purpose, I decided to balance my focus on writing and job searching. I created a personal challenge to keep me on track to my purpose, my passion, and my love for writing. It’s called the #31DaystoPHREAdom on Always PHREA. It will still include the PHREAdom Leaders, but I also want to feature information that relates closely to my audience.

I need your help in order to accomplish the challenge. I want to hear from you. Have you found your purpose? What do you do to stay focused on it when life throws you adversities?

<3 Starkey

PHREAdom Leaders: Brittany Yates

Brittany Yates, Executive Director &
Founder of Endless Dreams Foundation
http://www.endlessdreamsfoundation.org

Brittany Yates always wanted to start her own non-profit organization. Yates accomplished that goal in 2011, when she officially incorporated Endless Dreams Foundation while working on her Bachelor’s degree from Johnson C. Smith University in Charlotte, N.C.

“It was just in me,” the young entrepreneur said. “I love helping people.”

She is able to do so through Endless Dreams Foundation.

Endless Dreams Foundation’s mission is “to encourage the youth to set, pursue, and complete their goals.” The organization incorporates this mission by offering programs and services including mentoring, tutoring, and various workshops to help build a lasting relationship within the community.

The youth organization is based in both Charlotte and Washington, D.C. Yates lives in Washington, D.C. where she works full-time in the finance department at the Children’s National Medical Center. However, she travels often to Charlotte, N.C. She has a full team of interns, board of directors, and committee members who help with the operation of the organization.

Endless Dreams Foundation will expand its Academic Dreams program by the end of the year. The Academic Dreams will kick off in the Charlotte area to offer college tours, mentoring and tutoring year round, and parent workshops to help educate them about FAFSA and scholarships for their future college student. It will eventually expand to the Washington, D.C. area. However, both areas are currently looking for volunteers to serve as mentors and tutors.

What is Beauty

This past summer, Girl You Crazy and Endless Dreams Foundation teamed up to host the What is Beauty Campaign. The campaign featured a two month long discussion on discovering the true meaning and essence of beauty.

Yates said she started looking at statistics and realized that only one in every two girls felt like they were beautiful.

It was established to focus on self-esteem and build women empowerment as a unit and sisterhood.

During the campaign, the two organizations hosted a Women’s Empowerment Brunch which brought all women together to discuss beauty and self-esteem.

“Everyone’s definition of beauty was different,” Yates said. “It was good to see the different views.”

The Value of Time

The 23-year-old has a busy schedule, but her motto is that “everything can be done” with time management. Between Endless Dreams and working full-time, Yates is also working on her Master’s in Business Administration from Trinity College to become a well-rounded business woman. She blocks off time in her schedule to make sure she is able to accomplish everything she needs to do on a daily basis including her social life.

Passion to Serve

Yates is passionate about serving in different aspects of life. She loves serving her community and helping people out in general. She explained that if she meets someone or one of her friends are working on a new venture or project, she is always willing to lend a hand. 

"I always want to help," she insisted. 

Hope to Inspire

The business woman hopes to inspire other aspiring entrepreneurs by reading her story as an entrepreneur, leader and Endless Dreams.

She wants them to realize that they can do the same thing, she said. "I want to change the lives of others."

Respect in the Non-Profit

For anyone familiar with non-profit organization, they receive the majority of their funding through donations, sponsors, and mostly grants. However, Yates explained for non-profits you have to earn respect from the community in order to secure any funding especially grants. 

"You have to prove yourself," Yates said. "Nobody will give you money if they don't know you or respect you."

Most people are aware of the larger names like United Way and the American Red Cross versus smaller non-profits, she said. 

Endless Dreams works to build respect by consistently reaching out to the community and schools. They are making their presence known in both the Charlotte and Washington, D.C. areas.

Empowered to Do More

"When I get to see other people succeeding, it empowers me to do more," Yates said. The success of the others instills a self-empowerment for her to keep pushing and keep doing more.

One of her friends is a journalist, it empowered her to consider the idea of writing as well, she explained. Although her schedule is quite busy, she doesn't feel like she is doing as much. She feels like she can always do more. 

Ambition to Fulfill Goals and Dreams

Endless Dreams Foundation focus on helping the youth achieve their goals, therefore, it is quite fitting for the executive director to have similar ambitions. While Yates is ambitious about the community and helping people especially those who want to help themselves, setting and achieving goals and dreams are just as important. 

Yates' vision board sits above her desk at work so that she is able to look at the goals and vision as well as look at what she already accomplished. 

The vision board has two sides, she said. Goals and vision on one side, and what was accomplished on the other side. 

"I work towards it every day," Yates said. 

She always leaves room for another venture to add onto her vision board. 

"I wasn't planning on getting my MBA," she explained, but she added it to her board once the decision was made.

Yates is a true definition of an entrepreneur. She takes risks. She sets goals and work towards achieving everything she wants to do. 

For more information about Endless Dreams Foundation, you can visit their Web site here, follow them on Instagram at Endless Dreams Foundation or Twitter at @NoEnd2Dreaming, and like them on Facebook here. 

PHREAdom Leader: Curtis Walls

Curtis Walls is more than what meets the surface. As one looks at Walls from the inside out, it is easy to realize that he is much more than a wide receiver and businessman. Does he love football? Yes, but it’s not his life. Is he a businessman? Yes, but he also loves reading philosophical books. In fact, the Charlotte native always had a passion for changing the world.

“I always wanted to influence the masses,” Walls said.

As a man of God, his ability to do so became evident through his leadership roles and experiences on the field and in life.

While studying at the North Carolina Agriculture & Technology, Walls wanted to do three things which were to play football, join Alpha Phi Alpha which is the first black fraternity within the National Pan-Hellenic Council and become the Student Government Association’s president. By senior year, Walls accomplished all, but one thing on his Aggie goal list.

He served as a leading wide receiver and captain of the Aggie team. He received a NCAA leadership award for his involvement in sports. He also gained the opportunity to play for the Black College All Star Football game. He became a member of Alpha Phi Alpha serving leadership positions in his fraternity. Walls’ senior year in college, he ran for the president of the Student Government Association. Walls won the popular election by 49%, but loss the re-election by three unique votes.

However, an opportunity opened for Walls to serve as the president of the National Pan-Hellenic Council. The National Pan-Hellenic Council was the second largest body of student government on the campus. He was able to meet great leaders and sat in meetings with other prominent leaders on the campus including the Student Government Association’s president.

 “It ended up being a blessing,” Walls continued.

Blessing in Disguise

After graduating with a degree in landscape architecture, Walls was torn between playing football and entering corporate America. The opportunity to play in the all-star game while in college became a pivotal moment in Walls’ life. His original plans after college was to begin a career as a landscape architect, but he realized the possibility of actually turning football into a career.

He chose to pursue a career in his major. He moved to Aspen, Colo., where he worked at Design Workshop. He was the first black landscape architect in the company.

In disguise, football would enter back into his life while in Aspen. In 2008, he was laid off from Design Workshop. It was at this moment, he knew this was his opportunity to pursue his dream of playing professional football.

Walls said, he left corporate America and went back to the football field.

He moved back to Charlotte and started training. He was able to play for a Canadian League football and Arena League football in Pittsburgh, Penn.

Walls as a Businessman

Walls has several titles to his name including Chief Executive Officer and Co-Founder of TIME as well as managing partner of both the Charlotte Greek Picnic and NXL21 Charlotte Marketing Agency.

TIME stands for Taking Initiative Moving Efficiently was created while Walls was brainstorming during his student government presidential campaign. TIME was just a theory, but it would eventually develop into much more.

TIME started while the creator was in college, he said.

There was a police incident in one of the dorms, and a group of students went to address the 21^st century students and bring awareness to the community of the different issues, Walls continued.

The young leader joined forces with the president of the Student Government Association who also had an initiative called MOVE to create a variety of platforms geared towards the men in the community. The rest is history.

TIME’s mission is to “take the initiative to provide efficient programs and solutions that will revitalize our community, social and economic value – EMPOWERMENT” (http://www.timetoempower.com/mission-vision/).

It is a service-based organization with a broad number of issues that are addressed, Walls said. There are three main concepts of TIME, which are the following: exposure of the mind, the next step and the state of.

The organization hosts YOUth EmpowHERment and YOUth EmpowerMENt Summits for middle and high school aged boys and girls annually. This September, the organization will kick off their MENtor Empowerment Network for 7 to 12^th grade boys in Charlotte to “develop a bond built on goal specific engagement and empowerment” (http://www.timetoempower.com/news-events/).

Currently, TIME is planning its inaugural Single Mother Empowerment Symposium this year.

Walls, who briefly was raised in a single family home, explained he realized the importance for a program of this caliber based on the assessments gathered from to the boys and girls empowerment summits.

“We developed a concept of hitting each family member – one at a time,” Walls said.

The event will be hosted by Yasmin Young of Power 98 and will feature a celebrity keynote speaker, dynamic panel of single mothers and a five star meal.

This is an opportunity to provide single mothers with resources for their children and for them as a woman, Walls said.

Walls’ upcoming projects with TIME are far from all that he is doing right now. He is also preparing for the annual Charlotte Greek Picnic weekend. The weekend officially begins September 5 and ends on September 7. This year, the weekend will feature a stroll-off competition in partnership with the University of North Carolina – Charlotte’s National Pan-Hellenic Council. The weekend will conclude with the picnic at Marshall Park and the finale party at Re:Public in Charlotte.

He said the overall mission of the Charlotte Greek Picnic is to revitalize the Greek culture in Charlotte and allow doors to open for everyone.

The planning committee members are expecting everyone to have a great time and leave the concept that the Charlotte Greek Picnic has arrived.

“We are officially creating our own weekend,” Walls said.

On September 29, NXL21 Charlotte Marketing Agency will host a Freestyle Comedy Show at the Comedy Zone in the Music Factory in Charlotte. Doors open at 7 p.m.

Passion for football and chasing dreams

By now, Walls’ passion for football is apparent. He loves the game of football beyond the plays, the number of touchdowns or yards, but rather because of the commitment and discipline of the game that can be used in everyday life.

“Football is life, but life isn’t football,” Walls said.

This is a quote he learned while playing in college.

He realized the quote could not only be applied to the field, but in life as well.

Football requires commitment and discipline and experiences in life require the same, he explained.

Walls also has a passion for coaching.

The value of coaching is developing a well-rounded man versus an athlete, he said.

He hosts various coaching camps in Charlotte for young boys and individual coaching sessions with youth athletes.

As a philosophical thinker, Walls is passionate about inspiration from a conceptual level and acting on possibilities.

“We all have dreams,” he said. However, few act on it.

Hope for a fulfilling life

Walls hopes for a satisfying life where he wakes up to do what he wants to do. He also hopes to eventually start a family.

A woman of God who is confident, doesn't have to be totally involved in his career, and he can support her dreams are the qualities Walls is looking in his future wife.

 “She knows her husband is invested in making her feel fulfilled,” he said.

Respect regardless of situations

Respect is “the value of being respectful to people regardless if they respect you or not,” Walls said. “As long as my actions are sincere, they will eventually see.”

Despite the circumstance and situations, respect can change perceptions.

Empowered by adversity

Different points in Walls’ life empower him to continue to move forward because the possibilities are limitless.

Walls explained that he’s experienced many blessings, setbacks and adversities, but they are all processes in life.

“I’m empowered by all processes,” he said.

Walls compares the instant rich person versus the person who becomes rich over time.

The person who becomes rich instantly misses the life lessons to understand how to stay rich versus the person who becomes rich over time will understand how to keep it, he said.

Walls’ calls those life lessons “moments of glory.”

Ambition to keep moving

Similar to Walls’ passion, hope and empowerment, he is ambitious to keep moving. He wants to continue to maximize his potential, which in turn equals quality.

“Quality is never an accident,” Walls said. “I never saw three years ago, I would be doing what I’m doing.”

Walls’ drive to keep moving and pushing towards his goals is what makes him the man that he is today.
Facebook: Curtis Walls
Twitter: @CurtisWalls
Instagram: @CurtisWalls
http://www.timetoempower.com
http://www.nxlevelent.com